A Fair Is a Veritable Smogasbord

When Daddy and the Female said September was fair month, I was all excited because I thought that meant that I would get to eat whatever they eat (including sausage) because, to be fair we all have to eat the same thing. It turns out I was wrong and Daddy and the Female are the most unfair, elitist scrooges ever. They will eat sausages right in front of you and not give you any no matter what month it is.

Anyway, we started out by going to the East Texas State Fair, which was right here in Tyler. It was so embarrassing. The Female wore a blue shirt, khakis and ballet flats. She's so stupid. Everyone knows that fairs are about judging produce, quilts and rednecks, not who can look like a refugee from the J Crew catalog. She should know that when you go to a fair, you should wear camouflage, in case you suddenly have to go hunting.

Or overalls, in case you suddenly turn into a three year old.



At the fair, there was a lot to eat, and most of the food came from Daddy's favorite food group: fried. You could get a nice entree.

Be healthy by eating your veggies.


And even have dessert (with choice of toppings, including Crestor).


We got deep fried Oreos. Actually, only Daddy and the Female got deep fried Oreos, because we were at the East Texas State Unfair.

They told me that if I was hungry, I could go catch myself some beef. Bitches.


But the little girls who were with the beef scared me. They look little, but they had giant sticks that they were poking the beef with. I didn't want them to poke me.



The creepiest thing was at the State Fair in Dallas, though. There they have this giant monster cowboy named Big Tex. Uncle Bacon said it was really awesome, and that I would like seeing it.

He didn't say it had moobs.