3 questions and Congrats

One of the things I like about having a blog is that not only can I talk to everyone but they can also talk to me. Sometimes it's tough to tell if the voices are coming from the internet or my head. Anyway, I thought I'd take this post to answer a couple of questions I have gotten—I am pretty sure they came from people who read this blog. If you have a question you can email me at dyna.dookie@gmail.com and I will answer it. Maybe.

1. Why is Gunny's last name Shultz?

Because he is adopted. DUH.

Okay, Gunny's last name is Shultz not only because he is adopted but also because the Female is a big believer in animals having last names. What a freak. I am the only one in the family that has the same last name as Daddy (even the Female has a different last name, which is just proof I love him more than she does). I love my last name because with my first and middle names, my initials spell DAD, and Daddy is my true love.

But Gunny is named after a Gunny Daddy knew in the Marine Corps. I don't know if that Gunny was a Rotteiler too—I don't think so because that Gunny was kind of like Daddy's boss and Daddy doesn't let our Gunny boss him around at all. But what's weird is that our Gunny is technically named after this Gunny Shultz, but our Gunny's real name is Gunston. That's because the Female is such a nerd and drags Daddy to dorky historical things, and they both liked visiting Gunston Hall. But if Gunny is named after Gunston Hall, his last name should be Hall, right? I'm confused too. I blame the Female.

2. You don't really have a car, do you?

Yes I do, bitches. You know you're jealous. Check out my whip. I have mad driving skills.

My ride is solid gold because I am really into bling. What sucks is I do have to share it with the other pets, but no one but me is allowed to drive. I'm sick of driving the cats to their secret meetings, though.

The cats want me to thank Hannah and Charlie for the "OH HAI!" sticker the female MADE me put on my car. I don't even know who Hannah and Charlie ARE but our cats told me to tell them, "Stay strong, sisters. Our hour is nigh." Cats are so weird. We only have cats because the female was a crazy lonely spinster cat lady before Daddy took pity on her.

3. Who's a pretty girl?

I am! Check me with my mums.

4. I am also supposed to say congratulations to Erin, who just turned one. Great job Erin! I remember when I turned one. It was awesome. I am also supposed to say congratulations to Steve and Meghan, who had a baby. Good for you guys! Way to procreate! I don't really know what's entailed in all that since I was forcibly sterilized, but good for you two. Way to not be neutered.